Honey, I've Shrunk The Heads: Mainland Ecuador

"Miserable f**kers."

That was Imran's characteristically blunt description of the Ecuadoreans. Why didn't he people-watch, read about the history and politics, and try to understand why the people behaved a certain way? "Because that's your job," he explained. Fair enough. And that's why I'm writing the blog and not him - you might have an essay to read but at least I'm nice.

Our first stop in Ecuador was the capital, Quito. From there we travelled down the centre of the country to Banos and, after a Galapagos detour, finished in Guayaquil on the west coast.
Do you want to hear about the good stuff or bad stuff first? Let's start with the bad so that we can finish on a positive note!

Quito sucks. Ok, that's a bit harsh but it's not somewhere we'll hurry back to. Although there are some really great things to see in the city, the overall culture epitomises the resentment and anger that builds up within a predominantly young male population living in one of the poorest countries on the continent desiring all the material things they see coming from America which their Latin neighbors with a better political structure are far closer to having. There's a mass exodus of young guys out of the country to find work in better environments, leaving behind the lads who all look identical in their desperately-wannabe-American styling.

In the airport, while we may have been pushed and shoved out of the way with huffs and tuts galore and received scowls in return for smiles, the young men who left in search of a better life are welcomed back with flowers, balloons, hugs, kisses and an intense tearful joy that can only come from people dejected and heartsick that their sons / grandsons / nephews whom they love so deeply have to leave them.

And this makes Quito absolutely no different to many other cities all around the world. So why the attitude that we see all the time was more noticeable to us here probably has something to do with our high expectations of the place. We'd read that this was a nation defined by the friendliest and nicest people in South America and it was simply a surprise to not be greeted with this; in reality, the people are collectively no more grumpy than Londoners. Bear in mind also that we'd just spent time in Mexico where the people are wonderful - Ecuadoreans could do acrobatic shows in sparkly speedos for us and they'd still be miserable by comparison! Quito just seems to lack an identity; it's run-down and without charm or character. It felt bleak and unsafe. And we stayed in the nicest area in the city.

So what DID we like about this city? Actually, a lot of things. They're crazy about karaoke here. There are karaoke bars everywhere but, of course, Imran and I aren't into that..! The artwork is amazing. Quito is known for its artists thanks mostly due to the sculpture and paintings culture introduced by the Spaniards and the famous Escuela Quitena they set up. We didn't bother going to any of the recommended art galleries - partly because art galleries bore the crap out of us - but mostly because you only need to look on the streets to find (in my opinion) the best art. Graffiti covers practically every inch of every wall and I felt as if this is where the real personality could be found. One one side of a road you'll find the usual signature scribbles combined with angry shouts about political traitors, democracy and using condoms, and on the other side you'll find the most beautiful images covering any subject matter: religion, politics, sex, food, emotions, random stuff... The stark contrast between the streets and the impressively green and imposing backdrop of the Andes is what makes Quito interesting.

Quito sits on the Equator so a monument and a museum dedicated to this invite tourists to straddle both sides of the line and stand simultaneously in the northern and southern hemispheres. (I would just like to point out that I'm terribly childish because I had a little giggle when I wrote 'straddle'!) It's definitely not as hot here as we expected because being right on the equator actually means you can get all four seasons of weather in one day. The museum is GREAT fun. We learned some very interesting things.. so here come your fun facts for today! (NOT for the faint hearted.)

Admit it (even you ladies): you've peed in places where you shouldn't have, right? The sea, a pool, your grandmother's kitchen sink? Well, if you went for a dip in the Amazon river and thought it was ok to relieve yourself, you'd be in for a mighty big shock. The Amazon is home to the Candiru or 'penis fish,' a tiny 'toothpick' sliver of a fish which is attracted to urine. One sniff of glorious ammonia and the Candiru races towards the scent and right up into a man's best friend. Once inside, it erects an 'umbrella' of backward-pointing spines so, if by some miracle you caught the little devil by its tail poking out, you'd tear yourself to pieces trying to pull it out. Then it starts feasting on the closest blood-gorged membrane. Nice, huh? Remember that story next time you pee in your brother's pond. (Amir, I SWEAR that's a joke; your pond is as pure as holy water!) We're going to the Amazon on the Brazil leg of our trip - not gonna pee for three days just to be sure...

Think pin-heads are a bad thing? Not to the Amazonian Wuaorani tribe who used to take the heads of their dead enemies, remove the skull so only skin remained, boil it to shrink it, wrap it around a small rock and wear it around their necks. Check out this real life shrunken head!

We did some really cool experiments like balancing an egg on a nail - something which apparently can only be done exactly on the equator - and taking away each other's strength when one foot is on the line (it really works!) Call us big kids but we left Quito with a big smile after that. Even after we stupidly went against advice to walk anywhere at night rather than take a taxi and went out one evening to a place only five minutes away from our hotel, and encountered some very dodgy blokes and very scary prostitutes (are you sensing a common theme here? I promise we don't intentionally seek out street walkers!)

Driving south from Quito along narrow, winding roads built precariously on mountain edges, we arrived in the small town of Banos overlooked by the Tungurahua volcano. We wanted to come here for the adventure sports for which it's famous - rafting, mountain biking etc - but with Imran being ill we simply relaxed instead. Our hotel was high above the town in the mountains and beautifully built in a way to use and show all five natural elements (including wood) at their best. It was a very uplifting place and it felt good to just soak up the energy and enjoy being in the hot pools of volcanic water. Every street had stalls selling fresh sugar cane juice with rows and rows of the giant canes leaning against the walls. We haven't eaten sugar cane since we were kids, when our parents used to buy some from the Indian shops during the in-season and we'd sit there for ages just sucking on the fat pieces of fruit. Talk about nostalgia.

Having made a detour from the mainland to visit the Galapagos Islands, we ended our travels around Ecuador with a night in Guayaquil. All I can say is: GUTTED we weren't here for longer. We loved this place so much. Finally, the famous Ecuadorean affability and charm we'd heard so much about! And boy, were they friendly. Passing people on the streets in our taxi, I smiled and received not only big smiles but waves in return. Reading the menu in one of the million juice bars around (yay!) we had total strangers helping us choose a drink and recommending theirs. We talked to one girl who was so jolly she actually jumped when she spoke - I'm not even exaggerating. The city is well-developed due to twenty years of 'urban regeneration' and there are many things to see, notably the 444-step climb in the Las Penas neighbourhood for views over the whole central area. I wish we had spent more time in Guayaquil (and preferably less in Quito) but hey, you live and learn and it just means we need to come back here in the future. Any of you chicas planning a hen do / extravagant birthday anytime soon??
It'll be a few weeks before I write again due to an action-packed fortnight we have planned. It's time to go to Peru and make a dream come true.


Adios amigos xx